What's Up, North Dakota?

Oh my goodness! So many things going on that are excellent! I am in a very happy place in life right now. I can't even remember the last thing I posted on because it has been "so long." So please forgive me if I repeat something.

Well as everyone knows I moved to North Dakota, a drive I do not plan on doing anytime soon again. That drive was so hard on my body and mind, it was something driving hours at a time with my kids in the car consistently thinking of safety and "don't fall asleep." One minute your fine but then the next you are falling asleep and it just hits you, you have not idea where the wash of tiredness comes from. Well, glad that's over!

Anyhow, I finished my first quarter of Midwifery school, oh yeah!!! I had to ask for an extension with the move and everything and that kind of messed me up but I know I will have no problem this time around, I am confident in that. I got an A- in my BIO100 and a B- in my MDWF100, I should have gotten much better grades but that was completely my fault I thought a few of the assignments were cake walks and did them at the last minute and realized I was in over my head. Well because of that, I went from being a Provisional Student to being a Provisional Student again because I did not prove myself well. But I will have no problem this time around and I will get my matriculation, come Spring. I am so grateful for the friends I have back in WA they are helping me so much by getting me set up for this coming winter quarter with most of my study material. THANK YOU LADIES!!! I really don't know what I would do without their help because I am still paying for school all on my own and I won't qualify for help, like FASFA until Spring quarter.

As I have all this "free time" on my hands. Ha! I have been working on my new venture as a trained Birth Doula and have been having a lot of fun with that. Also I have been looking into the licensure of CPMs in ND. I had the initial impression that it was illegal to practice as a Traditional Midwife or CPM here however I just recently learned that it is not illegal just not licensed. Ummmm. I think to myself, I wonder if there is anyway I can help? I mean what can you do to help with that? How did other CPMs or CMs get recognized? If anyone has any input on that I would really appreciate that. Because I have only been here a short time and there has been a lot of interest in Midwifery and Labor Doulas. Women thinking it will take a lifetime to get involved and then feeling cheated that they didn't have more information before. I know I have many other things to attend to besides my family of course they are important, but I just feel my calling has been shouting at me since I have been here and God has been just opening doors left and right. AND WELL, I need to walk through them. I am not going to let one, two, three, four, or five bumps in the roads detour me from what I feel I am meant to do. I think that greatest blessing out of this for me is my family is on the same page with me. My husband, supports me, family and so many friends that I really consider more family then friends. I know I am away from my birth place but I feel closer to it then I did before. I don't know how that would make any sense but it really just clicks with me.

But I better get going my youngest has been all over me this whole time I have been trying to write this update. LOL. She has been fighting sleep for the last two and a half hours. She must be feeling all the excitement I have been feeling build up.

Grateful Lord for all you are doing and I look forward to sooo much more. Thank you Jesus!!! ttfn.

The Big Jump!!!

Well for those of you that did not know. I made a huge jump and moved to a completely different state. I have already been here for about two days and already feel a little different about life. I love WA but I think after a while, it just became a place of hurt and disappointment even though I tired so hard to make it a place of happiness and success. Now I don't know if WA will always be like that for me but I think a break is in order.

Now I have not given up on my dreams even though I did need to take a momentary break from my studies because I just had way too much going on; but now I am ready to dive in full force.

It has been crazy over here I am not used to all the support and just divine happenings that are going on. I haven't had a chance to get to church yet over here but I am looking forward to renewing my relationship with the Lord God Almighty. I will be starting my business soon and can't wait to work with some mommies and see some precious babies brought in to this world. I keep seeing all these pregnant women and I keep thinking to myself "Man, I wish I had some business cards right now!" Hehe.

I like where I am living, love the people that I am around and it helps that it is family too. Went to a park yesterday and had a lovely BBQ at the Missouri River, it was pretty stinking cool. But I was worried that wild life was going to come out and bite my leg off in the murky water...hahahaha. However the only part of that trip I really did not enjoy was the mosquitoes that come out at night. I have like 12 bites and they itch sooooo bad! Of course no one else got all bit up but me :( Then today I finally got my boys both set up for school. I am sooo excited because Lee is going to first grade and Dominic is going to Kindergarten, YES! I think this is going to help my boys adjust creating new friends and learning about a new place, even though they are doing great anyhow. My girls don't even really know what is going on just that we are in a new place and they like that to.

One more super cool thing. They have really huge beetles out here and I held one, while screaming and my kids had fun with that.

Well, I am just super excited to start a new page in life. Leaving behind negative feelings, judgements and patterns. Thank you to everyone that did pray for our travels, it really helped because man doing a big long drive like that can take a whole lot out of you. I thought for sure a couple of times I was going to fall asleep behind the wheel or with those crazy turns in Idaho that the van was going to go of the side of a mountain but all Glory to God, He kept us here a little longer.

Until next time :) ttfn

Milk and Beyond

Life sure has been taking some serious twists and turns lately with home, work, and school.

Been making some big decisions at home that I am confident will make the future better for my kids and relationship. Having the coolest things happen to me. I got to share my breastmilk with a sweet little baby and he was hungry and gobbling it right up. Granted it was in a bottle and his mama was feeding it to him but it was such a good feeling to know I was helping this little guy out. School is going well but I can tell with everything that has been going on it has been affecting me most with my distance learning program.

My birth doula workshop has been the bomb diggity! I love it! I feel like I am learning so much and even gaining relationships. I love my carpool buddy she is so much fun and I feel like we are on the same page, it is a good feeling. We're just getting in to the labor positions, how to help women redirect their minds and pain relieving movements. And what I think is really cool is a lot of the things we are going over I was doing when I was helping with my cousin during her beautiful birth and so it confirms for me how I am made for this. We also have been talking about collective care and creating more options for our communities, whether it be race, sexuality or you name it.

It made me think of my family and how strong, compassionate and beautiful they ALL are and how they could make a huge contribution to our African-American community. There are so many options and ways we can help and still be able to provide for our families.

Birth Doula- A labor coach that helps mothers and couples through the laboring process through direction, encouragement, breathing techniques, laboring positions, exploring resources for mothers needs and etc.

Training:
Big Belly Services http://bigbellyservices.com/
Bastyr http://www.bastyr.edu/simkin-center/birth-doula-training

Certifications:
DONA http://www.dona.org/develop/index.php
PALS (WA State) http://www.palsdoulas.org/become-a-doula/certification-requirements/
ICTC http://ictcmidwives.org/

Postpartum Doula- After a women has had a baby(s) PD would be at your house helping you adjust, giving direction with breastfeeding, cloth diapering, having listening ear and etc.

Training:
Bastyr  http://www.bastyr.edu/simkin-center/postpartum-doula-training

Certifications:
NAPS http://napsdoulas.com/

Lactation Consultant- A provider that can come to your home and clinically be able to help you with breastfeeding and if problems arise be able to diagnosis the issue and help you find resources to correct the challenge if need be.

Training:
Bastyr http://www.bastyr.edu/simkin-center/lactation-educator-training
+ 14 Health Science Subjects http://iblce.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/health-sciences-education-guide.pdf
+Pathway 1,2 or 3 http://iblce.org/certify/pathways/

Certifications:
IBCLC http://iblce.org/certify/preparing-for-ibclc-certification/

Lay Midwives- Goddess :) A care provider that serves women with low risk pregnancies. Watching the development of baby and mommy, gives direction and encouragement, supplies women with resources and information. And is there for you at the final hour when the birth of a new mommy and baby happens.

Training:
Apprenticeship (PEP Process) http://narm.org/entry-level-applicants/
Bastyr University Department of Midwifery
Distance Learning Programs, such as:

Birthingway College of Midwifery

Birthwise Midwifery School

Florida School of Traditional Midwifery

Maternidad La Luz

Midwives College of Utah

National College of Midwifery

National Midwifery Institute

Nizhoni Institute of Midwifery

 

License:

NARM http://narm.org/certification/

Now I don't know about every avenue but these are some of the ways that I know of and would love more ideas.

How do you feel? A little light headed.

For the first time in my life I had a real massage by an actual LMT. It was incredible! I think this may have been one of the best birthday gifts I have EVER had! Big shout out to my sister-in-law and her mama for watching my kiddos and supplying me with SUCH a treat.

I did not realize how mess up my muscles were until now. However with knowledge comes responsibility and now I have even more of a responsibility to myself to get my muscles workd' out every once and a while. At one point during the session I felt like I was out of body it was pretty crazy. I guess you don't really realize how much you have neglected yourself until it is brought to your attention and sometimes you need that one than once.

School is going well, I am really enjoying my Doula workshop and can't wait to finish that so I can take the next step and start attending more births with more knowledge and having them count towards my certification. I have a really great teacher, if anyone is interested in taking a Birth Doula workshop, Big Belly Services has a great class with an exceptional teacher. I really enjoy her laid back teaching approach and I feel like I am really absorbing all the information she gives forth. And my classes at MCU are going smoothly it is slowly coming up mid-terms and that kind of freaks me out but I am sure I will do fine. I have practically finished one of my classes. It was an introductory class to the school and I only have one more check-in and that will be finished and then one of the books for my other class that I was supposed to read and then write this paper on reflection is done. This book Born in the USA by Dr. M. Wagner, it was really great I would recommend that book to anyone that is curious as to why your healthcare system is so mess up when it comes to pregnancy and birth, great read.

Well right now all my kids are taking a nap and I should probably take advantage of this time and study or finish writing one of my papers. I am having fun learning even though it is a challenge with the life I live. Enjoy the first day of summer. ttfn :)

It's getting real live

School
Studying
Work
Doula Training
Birth in October/November
Husband
Children
Family
Friends
And Etc...


Crazy to look at this list and think and there is still more that is going on in my life. Things are really starting to get to me however I am trying my best to stay above water and I still am just starting out. Wow! Being the main source of income in the house, trying to live out a dream/calling and worrying about if I did this at the right time is plaguing me. But you know what if you want something bad enough and know it is the main reason you are on this earth you will make time for it. I am telling myself this, it is a good reminder that I need every once and a while. I just listened to this training video from my school and it was great I feel I really benefited from it. It was teaching on how to diagnosis yourself and where you are with your journey and I see myself somewhere between the call and the wall. I know it is not the most positive place to be but for right now I accept it because I feel like it is a benefit to recognize where I am currently, live through it and learn from it. Especially because I see this as a test of how I am going to do in the long run I want to make sure I pace myself even if I feel like I am falling behind with my studies, I know that this is only for a moment and I can get pass this. Right now four years seems like a long shot but once a person gets into the grove of things time flies and you don't get time back.

So I few things I have been thinking about and have been overwhelming myself about. Number one money, oh how I hate money it really is the root to all evil because that is the main source of my worries but I know I am not the only one in that boat. Second these different workshops I want to do. I really want to go to this Birth Boot Camp workshop in Dallas, TX in October this year and I am trying to come up with the money. I have a few ideas, first one I am going to tackle is selling breastmilk on onlythebreast.com, maybe doing a fundraising barbeque and working harder, even though I don't know how that is even possible. Ha! Lastly, my family, of course they are always the most important because the last shall come first. But I am just concerned about how I spend my time with my children because they are young and I don't want to just go gung-ho on my dream and leave them feeling neglected by their mommy. Also for my husband even though he is a man he can take it...hehe!
Also I still do have my gofundme account but I don't want to keep pushing that. It is open and if people would like to help me along with my calling I am more than happy to accept the contribution.

I know it has been a little bit but I will try my best to keep y'all update and feel free to share my page if others are curious about how this all works I am open to questions and would love to reply.

I guess I haven't really talked about my homework, things are going really well I am only a week behind in my Bio100 and Mdwf100 class but I am pretty much done with my Prod100 class which is a great feeling and once I am completely done with that class I will feel better about spending more focused time on the other two classes that are coming along but not quite like I would like for them to come along right now. But it's all good :) ttfn


Update: Here is my address for the selling of my milk :)
 http://www.onlythebreast.com/breast-milk-classifieds/show-ad/37476/500oz-of-healthy-student-midwife-milk-for-sale/wa/mountlake-terrace/united-states/selling-locally/

I'm Getting It

Oh me, oh my. I am having a lot of fun. Starting to get the hang of things. Slowly finding my way. I have felt a bit behind but I think I am actually doing alright. Besides being a week behind because of my books being late I believe I could be doing a whole lot worse. I have been able to get the kids in the bed at a decent time so I can have mommy time that turns into study time. And when I am at work I use my break times to read, now that doesn't happen all the time but when I can.

I have been busting out assignments and turning them in and getting graded items back already. Yeah! But I am truly just so tired right now. I just wanted to let everyone know I am doing alright "in school" and looking forward to getting more accomplished. ttfn :)

History in the Making

Hey y'all,

I have done some homework and I am almost done with week two. It is crazy how fast time fly's! I was just thinking about how far I have come and with all the support I have received, how incredible that is.

I was talking today to a lovely gal that was holding her precious little baby girl, telling her my story and I thought to myself. I have been documenting how excited I am to be having this life changing event taking place but I haven't put any history behind it.

You know, I have wanted to be working somewhere in the birth community since I was nine years old. I seen my first niece born and that has forever changed my life. I remember seeing her make her way into the world ( I love you Sasha!) and hearing the doctor ask who would like to cut the cord and the next thing I remember is walking towards my new little niece, holding the scissors and not knowing actually what had really taken place. Thank the Lord for my mama ( I love you mommy!) she always encouraged me to dream and look towards my future even though, we are not always prepared for what is going to come before us. I told her that day, "mommy, I want to be a doctor and the one that helps babies come out." After that my mom would buy me all kinds of picture books and medical books about childbirth and I couldn't understand the majority of it but it was always fun to learn new things. I remember one time really throwing my mom for a loop and asking her about hermaphrodites and come to find out she ended up knowing one when she was growing up. Really?! Anyhow...

Now, let's fast forward. Finished grade school, passed middle school and just made it through high school. Remember I said you could be getting prepared for your future, but you don't always know what is waiting for you. Well, I barely made it through high school, had some obstacles at home that had my mind in other places besides being completely focused on my studies. Which in the long run I think it was destiny that all the things that happened to me, gave me an empathy that can't be taught.

Then it happens, it is that reminder of a passion not forgotten but lost. I got married and had my first little bun in the oven and wasn't quite sure who I was going to have as my care provider or where I was going to go. I had some friends that had their babies with these midwives (shout out to Heike and Traci...whoop, whoop) and they were just telling my husband and I about the awesome care they received and how, I just had to have my baby there. Now I had heard of midwives and I think I may have looked into them before but not as much as OB/GYNs.

Forging ahead, we went with these awesome midwives and I can truly say my life has never been the same. We had great prenatal care and long conversations, I always felt very informed. Well I didn't get a chance to birth my little guy with them because I ended up having a complication. But the one thing I can for sure remember and something I love one midwife in particular for, was after I had lost my little guy and I was sitting in my hospital room in complete unbelief of what had happened. Heike(midwife) called me and told me how she was morning with me...I can't tell you how much that meant to me. She was my care provider but at that moment she became a life long friend. Now I don't get to see this friend very much but I think of her often and she unknowing to her gives me motivation.

Well that's my story and I'm stickin' to it. I know it jumps around a bit but these are the stepping stones in my life. Huge shout out to all the midwives(mothers)  in my life, all of you are important to me and have craved out a step for me to climb on. This world would be lost without a strong woman at the bedside. ttfn :)

Beautiful Weekend

Now if you read my last post, you will see how my weekend started out sooo awesome. But here are just some cherries on top.

I have been panicking a little because my books are taking forever to get here and they aren't supposed to show up until the 28th of this month which is like a week and a half away. But I came home after my conference had ended and glory be to God, one of my books had came in the mail and it was the one that would have really put my far behind had it come any later. 

My little lady had her first birthday and it was on Mother's Day. Which is like super special for me and I believe later for her to...hehe. My family took me down to the beach we walked around had Slurpees, oh yeah and enjoyed the sun. Came home enjoyed each other's company had a nice dinner and then on top of that had some awesome friends come over and have a little birthday celebration for "miss puud." 

Also, WE MADE IT! 12 MONTHS NURSING MY YOUNGEST!!! OH YEAH!!! I have always had a goal to be able to nurse my babies up to a year and longer but never made it because I would be blessed with another little one and they would be taking all the goodies from mama. But we are going strong...hehe...Breast is Best! That's right I said it. :) Night y'all ttfn.

MAWS CONFERENCE SPRING 2014

5/9/2014-

I am loving this conference so far. I have met some new people, seen some old friends and really I am not the one to be star struck but I am totally midwife struck.

5/11/2014-

I really should be in the bed right now but I had to let y'all know what is going on. So, here we go...
The day before last I wanted to get into how the conference was going but I just couldn't put the starting of the conference for me in words. I was really at a beautiful loss.

So I get to the conference location Friday night, sit in the car for a minute gather myself because I had been at work, came home took a quick nap after saying hey to family and headed my way over. Walked into the building and I don't know what exactly I was expecting but it was so nice and laid back everyone was really friendly and had little conversations. They had a really lovely spread of different little things to eat and one thing in particular I really enjoyed and it was nettle soup. I have never had that type of soup before but it was the bomb that is for sure and healthy too.

It was so nice I had people coming up to me and asking "Are you Mercedes, I have heard great things about you." Which that was a nice surprise and helped me with my midwife star struck complex...hehe. I even got a chance to speak to a student midwife and it was great but I felt bad I was so excited and happy to be where I was at that while talking to her and telling her my story I started balling. What a drama queen I am, I apologized but that was another thing that was so nice, she really knew where I was coming from and it was just a great moment.

Anyhow moving on. There were some great presentations, I learned sooooo much! It started off with a presentation done by two student midwives that are going for their masters' I believe and they did their project on Washington's Forgotten Midwives, it featured Native-American, Asian-American and African-American Midwives that paved the way here in this state. And well let's just say, wow I was speechless and tearing up during that presentation because you could tell they were passionate about the information they had found and that they really took care and time with what they had learned. I was, no scratch that, I am very happy I was able to attend the first night, almost for that presentation alone. But then on top of that we had this other presenter that came from Detroit and she really put it down on African-Americans and breastfeeding. It was great hearing her talk about how she is making a difference in the community for our precious babies and giving them the, right, start. She even talked about something that I was really interested in and it was Mother-Led groups. Instead of always having an expert come in and teach people, having the community or village drive the group and growing a sisterhood. And this was just the first night, wow right?!

Day Two:
Came in again ready to learn and listen....

Wait, I forgot to tell you guys about the epiphany I had on the way home from Friday night. So they gave everyone a name tag with what your current title is at the conference and mine said Student Midwife. Now it didn't really hit me until I got in the car driving home that I realized. I'm doing it, I am really doing it. Right now my title is student midwife but one day as I work closer to my goal the student part is going to drop off. Wow, that really just blew my mind. You know as you are growing up and your a child, you always think things are going to be so different when I get older like your changing a scene in a movie or something, but no. You don't walk to a new tune or jump into a new world and things don't just all of a sudden change. Somehow you just find yourself somewhere and really things have not changed drastically and being older is no different than being a child, you just now realize that, no means no and yes means no and freedom was a joke and we are all living in a matrix...haha.

Ok, back to day two. Walk in...sit down...get up grab breakfast. Oh and then just by happenstance I meet one of my classmates from MCU. It is kind of ironic to because I am in a distance learning program where people from all over are attending this program so to meet someone was amazing to me and she was really sweet and shared the same passion as me. We had a lovely retired pediatrician come and give a talk and she really opened my eyes to quite a few things that are going on with children and older people, I know that is connected with womb to birth into the early learning stage. It really was great, then we had another women that talked about breaking the trend of institutional racism which was really interesting (please keep in mind there were a lot of speakers but I am just highlighting the ones that stuck out to me). She had just done some exercised and they to me were a little interesting and became a little heated because the subject is a little touchy. Then I think the real highlights of the conference for me was the networking and connecting with other Midwives and Student Midwives, it was great listening to them and being able to ask questions, also really feeling a part of something better than myself. Thank you!

Quotes I enjoyed:

"Children aren't ready to learn until they are socially and emotionally ready."-Dr. Maxine Hayes

"If we don't get things right in the beginning, it won't look right in the middle or the end."-Dr. Maxine Hayes

"Genetics loads the gun but environment pulls the trigger."-Dr. Maxine Hayes

"Resist and avoid people trying to put you in a box."-Benita Horn

First Day of School

OMG! I am only on day three of school and I already feel behind. Plus it doesn't help that my books are not here yet. They are in transit which is also causing a bit of stress to me, but they're on the way.I think it is because I am just starting and instead of feeling like I am ahead of the game I feel behind. But that might be a good thing because I don't want to be to confident. I think the key here is keeping a good pace on all my classes and just having realistic expectations, and I am good with that.

So right now I am taking three classes, all together 4.5 credits. Which isn't to bad I'm pretty sure I can handle that and maybe even a little more. Classes I have are BIO 100, PROD 100 and MDWF 100. One is only an introduction to the school and I feel pretty good about that and the others are a little more involved. I am excited to get back into the human body, that was a class I always had fun with because once I cracked open the book, I could use anyone I came in contact with for a nice study tool.

Well I can't spend to much time tonight chit, chatting with y'all. Also trying to apply for some different scholarships right now while I have a little bit of time before my days just become to complicated. Thank you everyone for your constant support!!! ttfn :)

Pleasant Surprise

Oh man, I tell you what. Life throws you some curve balls at times, but I sure love it when I get an unexpected homerun. I know I just started my journey but I was expressing that I was a bit concerned about paying my school tuition, when and how I would like to do it. So, I gave my school a call and had been going back and forth with the financial adviser and had that stress alleviated by some clarification. Phew, I am so glad to have had that taken care of. Then my awesome sissy-in-law has been helping me with my teeth and now we have a plan to get me back on track and I am soooo excited about that. Thank you Amber!!! :)

Then out of no where I had the most "Pleasant Surprise" I log on to my Facebook Acct and this wonderful and giving lady offered to sponsor me to the MAWS (Midwives' Association of Washington State) conference that is happening in a couple of weeks. I couldn't be more excited about going however right before that I had to ask one of my co-workers if she would forgive me for not going to this other awesome event at the SIFF film center. She was awesome and gave me her blessing to go to the conference.

I am already thinking about how I would write about my experience but I don't want to get to ahead of myself. I want to make sure I really soak everything in and gain all the knowledge possible. I really can't believe how things have really been falling into place. I feel like I am following my destiny and I am getting blessed for it. Doors that have never opened for me before are now coming wide open.

Thank you sooo much Liz for your passion and blessing me. You are a Midwife in my life, helping me birth this dream. "Pregnant with hope, birthing a dream and raising progression". ttfn :)

Beginning Metamorfosis

Oh, what can I say? There are soooo many things going on right now. Everywhere I leave a footprint, I desire to improve. I want to make a difference with my family, friends, co-workers and community. However, I think I may be overdoing it a little bit because I want to get my CBE certification like yesterday, I need to take a doula training workshop and I am trying to make sure I get all the textbooks I need for my classes, while working all at the same time.

Super excited to get started but I really need to make more money to fuel my efforts. I won't panic. I think way too far in advance.

Good news, I got one of my books online for a really good deal through a facebook community and two other books I need via my neighborhood library. I sure love that!!! I am hoping I will be able to use my library for majority of my books that I will need.

I need to work on some scholarship applications and then get to bed. ttfn :)

Broke Wide Open

I am not one to really follow stars or even play into their message, but after watching this interview with Pharrell Williams on Oprah Prime. He has a brand new fan. I loved his comment on "The new black." It was funny listening to him because I have always felt like racially I have missed the mark. And then with following what I care about like midwifery, I feel a bit under-represented because I have not seen a lot of gals of color speaking out on the natural birth, breastfeeding and the pro-doula movement. 

Anyhow coming back to the point. I have never tried to be more than just me. But by some of my peers and even by family in the past I had been referred to as, the one that is not culturally in tune. But like Pharrell was saying "I'm not trying to be black." That is so right. I just want to be me and that is it. Take me as I am. 

As long as I fulfill my purpose on this earth as the Lord Jesus desires for us to do, that is all I want to do.

Thank you Pharrell for keeping it real and thinking about us women when you created your new album : GIRL. Good job Oprah for setting up such a great interview!

The “new black” doesn’t blame other races for our issues. The “new black” dreams and realizes that it’s not a pigmentation; it’s a mentality. And it’s either going to work for you, or it’s going to work against you. And you’ve got to pick the side you’re gonna be on.-Pharrell Williams

"Because I'm Happy!"-Pharrell Williams

ttfn :)

Crazy Dream

I am not sure how to connect this with my drive and passion to be a Midwife however, I had a dream that made me think of how I might react to a pre-termer.

I remember being at a birth at a hospital with a really cute young Asian couple. Momma was pushing and I was helping coach her through it and she did a miraculous job. I see the baby being put on the warming table and all of a sudden mom is dressed and ready to go. Momma and daddy are standing next to the baby with the nurse and I walk over to join them, realizing that the baby nurse was a really good friend of mine. I congratulate the parents on their new bundle of joy and join in on the gawking. hehe. 

After I finished oohing and awing, it seemed that reality had hit me and I noticed something was off about the little baby. She sure was beautiful, had all ten fingers and ten toes, even had a beautiful glow about her. After I shook her little hand, caressed her little toes,smiled at the family as they were leaving. I asked my friend the baby nurse, "How old is this baby?" She told me she was 26 weeks and then I just started balling. The baby nurse then said, " yeah some people have a hard time with this." I knew what she meant at least in my dream mind, I knew she was talking about, abortion. 

It was as if the room had changed from celebration to mourning. I asked my friend to excuse me and walked over to a bench in the room and continued to cry, mourning the loss of many little souls.  And woke up with this heaviness on my heart. 

Crazy dream! It was too much like real life for me. This special little baby was fine and in great hands, but I just went into this place of mourning. What a way to kill a mood! Good thing the parents walked out before I started making a scene.Smiles.

On a positive and progressive note, I received my major map for school and I am sending back my financial agreement. Then the learning starts, May 5th is the day classes begin. Right now I am also trying to look into all these different scholarships and to my surprize there are quite a few. I am going to just try for every one, in-between being a mommy, wife, daughter, friend, and employee. What fun, I can't wait to get started! ttfn :)

Update: It is fun going back and reflecting on what you write. This is interesting to me, the connection that I had made in this dream. Thinking and reading this in my concious mind I would think so I have an issue with pre-termers but no somehow I jumped all the way to abortion. Interesting. But I can remember feeling this way and not knowing how to adjust in this dream. 

One Step Closer

Alright! Yes! I am one step closer, I have paid my enrollment fees and called in to make sure they have received all my transcripts. They are still waiting on one but other than that, I am in, yeah! I was planning out my study schedule and it looks like it is going to be a lot of late nights. Really I will just be replacing a lot of web surfing and tv time for book indulging time. I want to soak in as much knowledge I can, so that I will be able to teach it later with ease.

Now that I am this close I am already dreaming about my clinicals but I know, one thing at a time.

Keep on dreamin'. ttfn.

Crazy Beginning

What an exciting beginning for me. I recently applied to midwifery school and to my hopeful surprize I was accepted into the program. Now what wasn't exciting was coming up with the required funds especially after the previous plans I had on paying for my education and housing had fell through the cracks. But God is good and forever in control because I ended up creating a gofundme account four days before the payment was required for my education to get started and to my complete surprize I was donated all the money I needed two days before deadline.

The first day I saw a couple of donations my heart dropped out of my chest to the point where I wanted to cry from excitement but I couldn't because I was in such shock. I haven't been to church in a while and I have my reasons but that doesn't mean that God is not still in control and that he doesn't know what I need or want. Thank you Jesus!

I can't wait to journal my exciting journey, I am sure there will be some great twist and turns. For example, my kids with a combination of homework, married life and all its perks, oh and work. ttfn :)